It has been many months since we last spoke, and for that I’m thankful.
It’s currently 1.54am. I’m up for college in 4 hours and 6 minutes. I’m shattered. And I can’t FUCKING sleep!!
My poor wee brain is in overdrive tonight contemplating something I don’t often think about. The future…
Even ask my girlfriend about how much I don’t think about the future. I just don’t really.
So its typical that at what is now 1.57am I find myself having installed Tumblr to my phone once again to write some meaningless status in the hopes that my brain will get a grip of itself and shut down for a few hours, cos lord knows I need sleep (and probably some hard liquor) to get me through the next few weeks of college.
It’s Graded Unit time at college. Mines started off bad, and is only continuing to get worse. It’s made no progress, I’m missing deadlines, ive got 4 weeks to finish it, and ultimately I just don’t give a fuck. I’m un-inspired. College is now boring me.
All that is keeping me going is the banter and my radio show (Monument, every Tuesday from half 5 to 6.15pm on City Radio) - smooth plug there ;)
I decided to not bother with Uni. While I don’t totally regret the decision, I can’t help but think that having a degree sounds nice. It’s something that really shows people you’ve made an effort as well which is nice, as I’d hate to think that people assume I’ve wasted 3 years of my life at college all because I never got a degree…
The future is meant to be exciting and such. But in all honesty, the future looks tough. I need to find a job, or a career of some sort. Get some money, learn to drive, get a car, get a flat, treat my girlfriend to nice things, and generally just find something to do that’ll keep me quite happy and content. It’s a lot of work.
It doesn’t help that the general future for the country, and indeed mankind looks bleak. The news us constantly evolving to deliver to us more twisted, fucked up, despicable stories that make me want to take a hot bath with a straight razor, and open up my veins! Well, not quite, I just thought that was a good line, but it is actually a bit frightening I even thought ‘aw, that’ll be a good line’…
But the point is, I think… Is that I’m just lacking any real motivation or inspiration. I haven’t felt particularly creative or anything recently, which is tough for me considering I’m not particularly good at anything… except Battlefield 3, ive been doing pretty well at that recently!
It’s hard to think about the future and see that you have no idea what you’re gonna do, and how you’re going to do it.
I think what I need, probably more so once college is over, is something to dedicate my time to that I enjoy! If I can find a way to keep my radio show going, I’d be chuffed! If I could review music, or do something with music, and actually have people pay attention and give a fuck, I’d be delighted! And if I can finally started a band I’d be over the moon!
So i dunno. Maybe I do know what I want from life… well, at this point anyway, am I fuck looking any further forwards than the next few years, my mind will melt!
That is now 2.25 in the am. I think its about time I tried to sleep again.
Catch ye! X